So this month, I’m attempting, what I call, a last minute “Hail Mary” workout program in order to attempt to get in shape for our trip to Cancun at the last minute (because that’s how I roll).
However, instead of working out at the gym with Barbie and her friends (who make me want to give up and eat an entire cheesecake instead of struggling to keep up with their plastic asses on the treadmill), I decided to try some workout DVD’s, instead, and after an extensive search of about 20 seconds, I found some from fellow lez Gillian Michaels on sale at Target and decided to give her a try. I was determined to get my ass off the back of my thighs, where it currently rests.
Anyway, after 3 weeks of getting up at an ungodly hour and working out an exhausting once per week, I decided to share my thoughts during my first yoga workout, Gillian Michael’s Yoga Inferno.
Before you read them, however, I have to add that I haven’t worked out in almost 5 years because I have had some joint and shoulder problems, but more importantly, because I hate it and it sucks.
That said, here are my thoughts as they occurred during my 3 hour workout with Gillian (okay, so it was only 30 minutes):
“No way, this is ‘just’ the warmup?”
“Oh, crap! I almost forgot! I should put my Caramello in the freezer, so it gets cold enough for breakfast!”
*paused DVD to go do that.*
“Didn’t we already do this?”
“If she makes me do one more downward dog, I’m writing a strongly worded email.”
“Nope, not doing that…”
“Wait, what foot am I supposed to be on?”
“Umm…I’ve never seen a pigeon do that pose…It should be call the ‘tear your thigh apart’ pose”
“Okay, I swear I’m doing this right and my body looks nothing like that in this pose.”
“Shit! We’re only half way done?!?”
“It’s a good thing she can’t see me taking all these breaks, she’d probably make me cry…Speaking of that, I need another one.”
“Diet Coke is a perfectly acceptable sports drink.”
*takes a swig*
“This isn’t yoga, this is torture in sports bras!”
“I’m not a violent person, but I feel like clawing a certain someone’s eyes out right now.”
“There’s no way this is only 30 minutes long!”
“Oh my god, it’s over!!! I made it…I think I should celebrate my awesomeness by eating a brownie!”
And I did just that.